A week after another shot across the bow of organized Jewish life by the New Jewish Marketeers asking us to unplug, I wanted to propose some theoretical "what-ifs" about some classic texts of 20th century American Judaism if they had been written, published, and marketed today.
This list is by no means exhaustive. I, on the other hand, am exhausted by this endless onslaught of the desperate hip-ifying of Judaism so that our genetic continuity can be assured.
The Sabbath would be: Take It Easy, Baby by Abraham Joshua Heschel. Rest, relax, drink. Talk about stuff.
Basic Judaism would be Just Jewy, by Milton Steinberg. Helping Hip Heebs Have Heeby Happenings.
Judaism as a Civilization would be God is a Concept I'm, Like, Not Totally Comfortable With, by Mordecai Kaplan. Besides, When I Was Getting My MDiv at Harvard, I Used to Get Totally Stoned and Think About Minoru Yamasuki's Architecture at William James Hall.
The Zionist Idea would be Look Out Goy Face! Jew Power Gonna Get Your Mama! Ten Simple Facts About Zionism That You Can Learn in the Back (or the Front) of a Birthright Bus! by Arthur Hertzberg.
The Lonely Man of Faith would be Avi in the Ashram: My Journey into My Personal Spirituality with My Special Life-Guide at My Place of My Personal Narrative Locus (Blog, Book-Deal and Movie, included), by Joseph Soloveitchik.
Night would be Oh My God, I Am So Bummed Out at the Way People Treat Each Other and Other Facebook Updates on Contemporary Issues of Genocide (Do You Feel Like Hanging Out and Talking About It?) by Elie Wiesel.
What are your favorite books?